Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
