IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
