He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
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