dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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