What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
