Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
