how can u be prego again
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
