I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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