where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Randomize
