I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
