He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
