You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
