yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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