Pants 0. Shit 1.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just blew my weed a kiss
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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