Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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