D3 body, D1 cock
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
