there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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