They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
