plz talk dirty to me
i permit you to call me
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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