At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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