I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
