My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize