And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
