I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
