Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
