Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
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