I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
