I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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