there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
you're hired as official boob wrangler
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
