I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
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well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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