I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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