i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
