i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
