Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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