We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
