Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
