Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
