dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
