do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
