yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
