we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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