Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

You smell like a Billy Joel song

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(613): View more from Ontario

I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg

(1-613): View more from Ontario

so what did you do?

(613): View more from Ontario

I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!

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(631): View more from New York

"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......

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(914): View more from New York

yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(856): View more from New Jersey

When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."

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(602): View more from Arizona

I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.

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