checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.