dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?