I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
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Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.