my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth