Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.

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  (214): New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises. http://tfl.nu/b9dr
  Replies (14) Good night (761) Bad night (2823)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.

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  (901): can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you. http://tfl.nu/uemu
  Replies (10) Good night (3276) Bad night (866)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video

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  (512): its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video http://tfl.nu/p3je
  Replies (14) Good night (7002) Bad night (1125)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  the worst part is we had a camera rolling

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yes.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I have to watch that.

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  (215): the worst part is we had a camera rolling (267): Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys? (215): Yes. (267): I have to watch that. http://tfl.nu/u325
  Replies (30) Good night (5479) Bad night (1551)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

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  (847): well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms." http://tfl.nu/dhb2
  Replies (12) Good night (6140) Bad night (1055)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.

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  (901): I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko. http://tfl.nu/cca0
  Replies (8) Good night (3073) Bad night (1123)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music

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  (303): Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music http://tfl.nu/qvs5
  Replies (9) Good night (1028) Bad night (3234)
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  (858): View more from California

  I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.

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  (858): I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police. http://tfl.nu/cytj
  Replies (6) Good night (1158) Bad night (644)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA

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  (931): I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA http://tfl.nu/jla7
  Replies (2) Good night (991) Bad night (421)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.

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  (972): It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night. http://tfl.nu/xja7
  Replies (0) Good night (454) Bad night (667)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  So thanks for that

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  (203): By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking" (203): So thanks for that http://tfl.nu/03od
  Replies (2) Good night (746) Bad night (406)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.

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  (907): I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want. http://tfl.nu/b2fd
  Replies (2) Good night (370) Bad night (581)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?

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  (+44): Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry? http://tfl.nu/1i64
  Replies (0) Good night (689) Bad night (274)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you have pictures of my pancakes

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I need to show the world

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife

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  (484): Do you have pictures of my pancakes (484): I need to show the world (484): They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife http://tfl.nu/b4f9
  Replies (0) Good night (498) Bad night (283)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood

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  (603): I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood http://tfl.nu/2g85
  Replies (6) Good night (376) Bad night (233)

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