so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
