Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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