Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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