So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
