My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
