Your mouth is God's brothel.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
