If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
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I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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