how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
