I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
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Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
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I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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