just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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