guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
