I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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