i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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