I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
