you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
