tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
