Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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