me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
