But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
