I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
