halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Randomize
