Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
