like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Fuck appropriateness.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
