How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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