never play flip cup with pint glasses
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I enjoy the company of your penis
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
