Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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