I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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