small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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