can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
