so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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