Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
