Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I smell stomach acid.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
