Your dad touched me again.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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