and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
