rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
