I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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