So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize