That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
