Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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