she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
