Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
