we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
