he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
