Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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