wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
