I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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